Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
Boston’s long local nightmare is finally over. Faced with signing a guarantee to back the 2024 Olympic bid with public funds amid a rising tide of opposition (10 whole people on Twitter!), Mayor Marty Walsh finally put an end to this ill-conceived charade after months of buffoonish skullduggery. Thanks for finally doing the obvious, logical thing in an effort to save face, Yer Honor. Now cut the crap and get to work fixing our transportation infrastructure. Believe it or not, you can probably do that without selling the city out to a bunch of corrupt twat waffles for a few weeks. You can do it. I believe in you. Well, not you necessarily, but the power of your office. Sure, you’ll need a lot of help from the state, but that’s no excuse. Get cracking. Lead the charge.
As for the Olympics themselves, they are also in possession of crap in need of a solid cutting. Expecting a different city to invest billions of dollars in hosting this thing every four years is asinine. Pick one place for the summer games and another for the winter session and make those locations the best damn Olympic hosts they can be. What’s that? It’ll never happen because the International Olympics Committee exists solely as a front for a series of shady grafts and kickbacks to its members and their pals? Oh. Maybe that should stop, and maybe we should all stop supporting the games until it does. I’m pretty sure you’ll be ok if you don’t get to watch archery once every four years.
Of course, there is one thing about the bid’s failure we should all be very disappointed about: we’ll never get to see what sort of crazy ass mascot a Boston Olympics would have generated, and that’s a damn shame. Maybe they would’ve kept it simple and just thrown some rings and a swimsuit on Wally. Perhaps the designer would’ve attempted to embrace Boston’s heritage by tossing a tricorner hat on an anthropomorphic pile of baked beans and naming it Sully. Personally, I would’ve given the job to Spare Change Guy. The USOC’s insistence that the bid be backed by public money was basically “GOT ANY CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGE?” Jesus Guy would’ve been my second choice, because nothing says “Welcome to Boston, tourists!” quite like a dude with a sandwich board handing out soul-saving literature to hordes of sinners.
Lastly, mad props to No Boston Olympics, No Boston 2024, and any other grass roots groups out there I’m forgetting that led the charge against this chicanery. Good work, sirs and madams, and I hope you don’t let the momentum of your quality activism die with the bid. Boston’s got a lot of other problems such community-led initiatives could help solve. In fact, there’s a particular scourge I think you guys should take aim at next: Wally. Get that guy all the way outta here.