March if you want to. I’ve got a better plan.
In light of yesterday’s leaked intelligence report alleging the president-elect is a Russian stooge who once rented a hotel room previously used by the Obamas and hired a gaggle of local “talent” to perform a golden shower show on the bed as a means of defiling it, I’m going to rent a hotel room the Donald previously stayed in, Febreeze the piss out of the bed, get under the covers, and…
- Buy a Tesla and some solar panels.
- Order tacos and leave the room’s door wide open so room service can stroll right in.
- Eat fried chicken with my bare hands.
- Browse OkCupid for a strong, professional woman and send her a nice polite message.
- Properly sell a Stone Cold Stunner delivered by housekeeping.
- Start a union.
- Watch It’s Complicated.
- Kick Planned Parenthood a few bucks.
- Fire up Command and Conquer: Red Alert on my laptop and kick some Russian tail.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HOW DO YA LIKE THAT, DONNIE!?!? U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
(Oh God, I’m going to get itches in my nether regions, aren’t I?)