The biggest collection of shitshows, underachievers, and also-rans in the NFL, the AFC West promises to be wide open yet again. Every one of these four teams is loaded up for a 9-7 season capped by an embarrassing first round exit and a tumultuous offseason of finger-pointing. It’s the Bachelor Pad of the NFL. Hooray!
1. Kansas City Chiefs – I firmly believe that Romeo’s crew was better than last year’s 7-9. Add Peyton Hillis to complement Jamaal Charles and remove any chance of Tyler Thigpen playing by letting him go to Buffalo and suddenly you’ve got a competent offense to go with a decent defense.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Anna Paquin. Nothing special, but she takes all of her clothes off three or four times a year.
2. Denver Broncos – The second most important Peyton in this division will give the Broncos a definite jolt if he’s anywhere close to the player he used to be in Indianapolis. Problem is, I think it’ll take him a little while to get going, and he doesn’t have much talent around him. Despite how great Manning could be, I can’t help feeling that Tim Tebow’s smash mouth style was a better fit for this team and this coach.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Olivia Munn. Should’ve just stayed on G4.
3. San Diego Chargers – Another team with a good quarterback and not much else. Given the haul the Bolts could get for Rivers and his fantastic angry faces, maybe it’s time to trade him and blow this crew of underachievers up.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Kirsten Dunst. Not what she used to be and not showing any signs of turning it around.
4. Oakland Raiders – You know what’s not good for a football team? Constant coaching and management changes. I firmly believe that any coach in the NFL should be given a minimum of three years to show what he can do: one year to examine the existing talent and cull the herd, one year to bring in new players and teach them the system, and a final year to see how it all goes when it’s in place. Oakland hasn’t done that. You know what else is bad for a football team? Carson Palmer.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: J-Woww. Just a mess.