This one’s easy, right? The South consists of one great team, one team that could be decent, and two giant terds. Should just be a replay of last year, right?
1. Houston Texans – 10-6 and a win in the playoffs with a JV quarterback leading the way at the end of the year? I smell a repeat and a first round bye, even with Mario Williams off to Buffalo.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Keira Knightley. Kind of an acquired taste, but you can’t deny the talent.
2. Tennessee Titans – 9-7 and a playoff spot certainly isn’t out of the question for this talented young squad, but I can’t see them leap-frogging Baltimore and I’m sticking by my choice of Miami as the other wildcard.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Marion Cotillard. Current muse of important industry players and likely the next big thing.
3. Indianapolis Colts – Having successfully sucked for Luck, the Colts now get to wait a season or two for their new QB to hit his stride while finding players who can actually play defense and don’t just look good in the uniforms. They can’t possibly be as terrible as they were last year, so that’s something.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Lindsay Lohan. Former trainwreck trying hard to put it back together.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars – Just move to LA all ready.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Snooki. Nobody wants to smush with the Jaguars.