The NFL has announced that extra points will henceforth be kicked from the fifteen yard line. The ball will also be considered live on a failed try, giving the defense the opportunity to return it for two points. It’s an attempt to take one of the most boring plays in the game and transform it into something a little more interesting.
It doesn’t go nearly far enough. According to Dean Blandino, the NFL’s chief of officiating, teams make field goals from that distance at about a 93% rate. That means the extra point is still basically automatic and I’ll still be using it as the start of my bathroom break.
So how do we make the extra point better? Well…
- Get rid of it completely and make all teams go for two. Kickers are stupid and nobody likes them, so let’s take them out of the equation completely. Earning points by kicking when the point of the game is to physically advance the ball across the field is weird. Less of that is better.
- Offer additional points based on celebration quality. Zero for a simple spike. One for something decent, like a fun shuffle or a WWE pose. Two points for dancing fat guys, cell phones pulled from under the goal post cushion, and pretend moonings. Oh, and no points at all for a repeat. Keep it fresh and funky, yo.
- Use it as a means of reducing PEDs. This one’s revolutionary. All players must be tested for banned substances prior to game time, but suspensions for roiding up are abolished. Upon scoring a touchdown, you’re automatically awarded an extra point if and only if you had fewer positive tests on the field than your opponent during the scoring play. Want to field a defense loaded with hulked up chemistry experiments? Fine, but it’s going to cost you some points.
- Require the scoring player to dunk the ball over the goal post before getting tackled or stepping out of bounds. That unstoppable fade route to the corner doesn’t look so good now, does it? A touchdown scored while under control and in a way that smokes the defense should be worth more. Plus, how funny will it be when someone inevitably fucks this up? Watching a short running back bounce one off the front of the cross bar and get booed out of the building would make my Sunday.